I would like to thank the Woodbury Police Dept, the Washington County Sheriffs Dept, and the St Paul Police Dept for the outstanding effort they put forth to locate Dave the painter and safely return him to the Twiggyandthediesel blog. I was having nightmares of a Jennifer Hudson's nephew scenario playing out but thankfully Dave the painter was quickly located and safely returned to the blogging community.
They searched utilizing all of the tools available to them. They searched by air, by boat, they had every police cruiser looking for the red Durango with tenticles , they used retarded kids to staple pictures of Dave to all of the power polls, they had volunteers linked hand and hand combing the farm fields of east Woodbury. Thankfully, Jimmy was watching TV at O'Malleys when the Amber alert was posted on the bottom of the screen. Jimmy quickly contacted law enforcement officials to let them know he had located Dave the painter at O'Malley's, and he was safely snuggled into bar stool having a double jack-coke.
2 comments:
I fear the wrong Dave the Painter might have been found (who knew there was more than one?) at O’Malley’s, especially give the fact it was reported by Jimmy, who we all know to be an unreliable witness, no matter how fucking awesome his laugh is. I sense (giving I have psychic abilities) that the real Dave the Painter is under lock and key in a box in the basement of his house in Woodbury, ala The Gimp from Pulp Fiction, J-Ball and leather and all. As a rule of thumb: Never trust a pregnant woman, particularly a pregnant woman on workrest.
"Dave the Painter" is dead. He was taken out by the Diesel in a fit of delusional narcissistic rage (see Me, Myself, and Irene). Jim sees only what a half a bottle of scotch will allow him to see, nothing clearly. It's a simple case of drunken identity.
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