Thursday, December 4, 2008

The most Egregious thing ever posted on the Internet

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

This is an "Obama-nation"

In a shocking move on Thursday, President elect Barack Obama signed an executive order to have the white house repainted, and renamed, to a color other than white. Barack stated in a press conference, "This building, this symbol of hope around the world, this beacon of freedom for all freedom loving people will no longer be referred to as the white house. This is a new era, an era of opportunity for all people, all colors, all faiths, all backgrounds. We cannot stand for a house with a name and a color that symbolizes the racist, separatist, views of our white leaders of the past."

Many former John McCain supporters cried foul and said they would not stand for this. One detractor from Alabama said, " My friends, he's not even President yet, how can he change the name of the home that George Washington built." Others made statements that could not be published by this blog. Clearly president elect Obama's move to rename the White House to something other than it's former name, maybe even the Black House, has set a tone in Washington that has ruffled some feathers.

During the same press conference Obama also stated that he would not be opposed to corporate sponsors sponsoring the inauguration ball at the white house, even such companies as Colt 45, KFC, or Newport cigarettes as long as they made an ample contribution to Union labor causes.

Right wing voters are beside themselves and are preparing a response that will likely include legal action to block the painting of a national landmark. The Fox news channel and EIB network switchboards were so overwhelmed on Thursday that painters and plumbers across America took extended lunch breaks trying to get through to receive guidance regarding what to think about this issue from their mentors Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly. Those that could not get through spoke of a coordinated conspiracy by Union telecommunication workers and many vowed revenge.

Stay tuned for further developments...

Letter to the American Taxpayer

Dear Congress:
Please consider my request for a bridge loan so that I can continue to support the Twiggy family. Without a bridge loan I'll be unable to continue to pay our bills and meet our monthly obligations. We've really tried hard the last number of years but somehow we just don't have enough money to pay for everything during these tough economic times. Without a loan we'll likely lose our home which will further exacerbate the housing crisis.
Our family has endured a number of difficult life circumstances recently and we need some added liquidity to get us through this difficult time. Please consider that the Twiggy family keeps a number of Americans employed; from the bartender at O'Malleys, to the clerk at Macy's, and lest we forget the little Indian guy at the tobacco shop. If we are unable to sustain our current lifestyle, and go bankrupt, many other Americans will be negatively affected, resulting in further job cuts and impacts to the economy.
If you agree to provide this loan, and help us during this difficult time, we'll make some changes to tighten our belts. We'll gradually cut out the Sushi dinners, reduce our alcohol consumption at the bar, and phase out all tobacco products over the next five years. We certainly don't expect the government alone to fix all of our financial problems.
If you are unable to assist us at this time we'll certainly be disappointed but we will survive, because we are survivors. If you can't approve our loan please forward this letter to the Welfare Department and request that an application for Welfare Support be mailed to our return address.
Thanks for your consideration.
Twiggy & Family

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Baby Picture

Congratulations to Diesel and KT on the birth of their first child. At approximately 3:20am this morning momma gave birth to a little diesel while the Cannonball run song played softly in the background. Congratulations! Baby picture attached.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Well we're just one day away from the Vikings vs. Packers border battle game and fans are anxious for the Minnesota Vikings to get their first victory over the Packers with Brad Childress as head couch.

The usual excitement and friendly banter about the game turned to disgust this week when Michael Montgomery said in a press conference at Lambeau Field that he fully intended to show Gus Ferotte the same "love" he had shown Kyle Orton earlier this season at Soldier Field.

Montgomery, referring to an incident that occurred in week eight in a game against the Chicago Bears, was fined for inappropriate touching to the swimsuit area by commissioner Roger Goodell. Montogomery said he was excited about "getting to" Ferotte, and that he would be charging Ferotte like an angry proposition 8 protester. Upon further questioning he went on to say that he wasn't concerned about being fined again by the league and that he would seek to "violate" anyone that got in his way on Sunday.

Coach Mike McCarthy said when asked about the comments, "Montgomery is a passionate player that will do what ever it takes to win even if it means violating league rules and opposing players privates."

Later that same day, Ferotte was asked if he had heard about the comments Montgomery had made. He paused, his face became pale and then he said " I'm feeling good about our chances on Sunday and I'm going to do everything I can to get Tarvarias ready for the game," as he quickly stepped away from reporters. Sources later said that Ferotte approached coach Childress shortly after the interview and complained of back spasms and wanted to be taken out of the line up.

Paris wants to be a mommy...

This is an entertaining piece of writing. Paris Hilton -

Friday, November 7, 2008

GM … the new Dell?

General Motors Corp. said Friday it lost $2.5 billion in the third quarter and warned that it could run out of cash in 2009 if the U.S. economic slump continues and it doesn't get government aid, according to the Associated Press.

GM announced it would improve liquidity by $5 billion by the end of next year by cutting capital spending, reducing sales promotions, and further cutting production in the first quarter. The company also suspended its matching contribution for employee 401K plans, and suspended tuition reimbursement. In addition, salaried employees will not get incentive pay next year for their work in 2008. GM increased its plan to reduce salaried worker costs to 30 percent. During the summer, the company announced a 20 percent cut.

The new paradigm in business seems to be taking away employee benefits (see the Dell post). The next logical step appears to be stripping workers of their health insurance plans and charging tolls to use the company restroom. It looks like the market is painfully starting to bury risk-takers one at a time.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people voted for me.

Stuart Smalley (err, Al Franken's) deficit: 239 votes

A New High, And By High I Mean Low

The nation's unemployment rate bolted to a 14-year high of 6.5 percent in October as another 240,000 jobs were cut, stark proof the economy is almost certainly in a recession, according to The Associated Press. The new snapshot, released Friday by the Labor Department, showed the crucial jobs market deteriorating at an alarmingly rapid pace.

I'm pretty sure the context in which they say "high" is not meant in a positive manner. I'm pretty sure they don't mean it like, "I just set a new high score in Donkey Kong." And I'm almost entirely certain they didn't mean it like, "Dude, Dave the Painter was so Cheech-and-Chong High last night." Just don't quote me on that.